There are certain attributes & I don’t mean the ones you see in King magazine, that a man looks for in making his wifey-his wife. Ladies, you have to give him a reason or several to want to put a ring on it. Just being together for more than one year or for five, doesn’t mean that the relationship is going to begin in marriage. Like most single women, I wonder, “What would it take to get a guy to jump the proverbial broom?”. I have asked several guys in a non-scientific manner, what would it take to get a man to commit to marriage.
Big thanks goes to my friend and former radio co-host, The Voyzce, for helping me with this one.
Get ready & hold on, ladies, because this list goes deep.
1. Trust – A man’s wants to be able to trust you and wants your trust. I can not over-emphasize how important it is that you are a woman of your word and he a man of his. As adults, I am sure we all can agree that trust should be something that is earned and not given simply because someone makes you feel good or because “they look trustworthy”. The timeless saying, “Actions speak louder than words’ is so true so begin by trusting your inner self. Can trust be rebuilt after it has been broken? Yes, but if both partners are willing to put the time and energy back into the relationship, but that is another article for another time. Moving on….
2. Loyalty – Let’s face it. Men are very sensitive in regards to their ego. No man wants another man to be able to tell him about his lady. Believe me, men talk just like women do. Be mindful & be ready to stand for and with your man. Your man has to be able to know that his lady takes pride in their relationship and in his ability to be a man. Talking about your man behind his back to his family, friends, co-workers and even to your girlfriends is considered an act of treason. If you have concerns, take it to him, not to the general public.
3. Support – There are very few things that are important to a man, like the support of his lady. Remember in your relationship, you are continuing to build a relationship foundation that will require a lot of support. That means in a f*cked up economy, you will not measure your love for him by his ability to pay the bills when he loses his jobs, has his hours cut back, wants to change careers, or wants a man’s moment to himself. You will give your prayers, support and encouragement as fuel to get him through tough times. You will both acknowledge the humanity in each other to want the best for one another. Yes, that is asking for alot, but would you want the same thing?
4. Sense of self – Your man loves your individuality and that you command a sense of who you are. You do not confuse being his lady with being his servant. You are self-sufficent and can identify yourself independently of him without making him feel like you can do without him. You have your own interest outside of the relationship. He loves you for who you are and not forwhat you do, what you wear or what you have.
5. Honesty – Of course, no one wants to be with liar. Now let’s move this a step further. How honest are you with yourself? Are you really in the relationship you want to be in or are you just biding your time until something else comes along? Don’t string a man along. If there are problems in the relationship that is preventing the relationship from growing, then be lovingly honest about your concerns. Communication is key in any relationship. Develop the art of conversation in your relationship.
6. Acceptance – How many times did you know someone who thought that the relationship was going to get better? We all have things that just get on our nerves about our partners, but are you willing to live with other things or are you hoping you can change him? Loving him is accepting him for who he is and his sense of self.
7. Openness – Men love a lady that is sexually open to explore and be adventourous and as the Voyzce so explains, “a woman that is not afraid to be herself and to [sexually] please her man”. No this does not mean that he wants you to do anything that will make you uncomfortable, but be willing to try new positions, play dress-up & even be willing to be the aggressor and take charge in the bedroom.
8. Family Oriented – This is a big one for most men. Why? Simply because it is not improbable that this is his first adult relationship and he probably has a child or children from a previous relationship. A man loves a woman that has a sense of family especially if it is the one they create together. Blended families are the hardest to melt together, but with work, it can work.
9. Love of Life – Really that is self explanatory. Everyone is going to have down days, but a man wants a woman that can rebound from the disappointments from life and love all that life has to offer. This usually includes their lady’s faith and spirituality. The men that I have talked or coached say that his woman’s love for a higher power is truly important in understanding her love of life.
10. Dedication – Your man wants to know that you are dedicated to the life and dream you will build together. Dedicated to be better than his past, more than a girlfriend or jump off. His world, his life. His everything. As the Voycze stated ,”dedication is what separates her from the rest”
11. Listener’s Ear – Listen without interruption. Clarify without blame. Understand his point of view even if you don’t agree with it.
12. Great sex – No not the end all, be all. But a man wants his lady to be sexual compatabile with him. No one wants to “fight” (i.e beg) for sex and intimacy.
13.Mother-like Quality – see # 1-11.
Talk to me:
Ladies, what do you think about the list? Do you have what it takes?
Gents, did I leave anything out? What are your reasons that will make you ask for that commitment?
About Coach Neek
I am a mental health therapist and Certified Holistic Life Coach that helps women heal from their emotional baggage by creating a system of self-care that allows a woman to take care of her unselfishly. I teach the healthy living strategies that encourages woman to trust her inner self and improve the intimacy in her relationships.
Baggage like trust issues and bitterness, being overwhelmed with anger and resentment will lead you to self-sabotaging behaviors like emotional eating and poor choices in relationships. Is your emotional baggage leaving your emotionally unavailable to have a healthy relationship? Visit my blog, TheIntimacyMiniManual.com for insights and inspirations to begin your emotional detox and create a system of self-care that empowers your healing.
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